First Year Round up

One scrounge of tobacco left, what to do. Do you leave your flat and go to the shops to by another or not in the hope that this is the last batch, no more. Clean lungs await and god knows they need it. Your hungry but only an onion left and some dried pasta and the onions starting to decompose. Oh well cut that bit off and make your food, close those eyes and swallow. What are we meant to do here, what brought us to this point? The end of the year is near and there is still a blank portion of the mind. What will happen when this is over, dose anyone else wonder? Do people know what they are to do in the months to follow? Will the people stay or shall they make the forbidden journey home, travelling back along the cord to the secluded privileged life that came before. What is visible to some may not be visible to others. This is a period for change by most. Some get wrapped up in cotton wool by those around them and become enclosed, others struggle on defiant. What separates us is chalk line drawn out in front of us and this can only be washed and Brocken away. It is never too late to start trying to talk. Why not, I want my say, fit as many words as I can into my life as you may only have one.
Ask your self, was this what you expected, was this how it was meant to be and are you truly satisfied. Hope that is the case. For most it will be and you may have expanded your mind. For me this year has been strange. Something that I am unable to tattoo a thumb prints onto. But thats the way it goes and what cannot kill dose make you stronger and that is scientifically proven.
Turning twenty this year was fundamentally the ill fated depressor. That’s a bit extreme, but if you where in the state, then you would agree. I figure the way I live means that I will probably live to about eighty. My granddad, a great man, ended with sheer finesse, a innings of eighty six. This in my educated guess, that if I live my life the best way possible, that could be how I say hello to the worms. Anyway, judging on this I figure that means I have passed through the quarter marker, only a bit more up, then down we go. But if it’s how I imagine then it will be in a plain and I will scream like I am on a roller coater and ride it till it hits the ground. Probably not, but it’s a funny thought. My “Quarter Life Crisis”.
I think that you are forever young in your mind and that everyday you go to bed you wake up one day later and one day older, but young in mind. When I visited my granny up in Scotland, she was in a home. To say she had lost her marbles is an understatement. But when I talked to her she still had a glint in her eye, character and youth shone through. She grabbed my arm with weak and fragile grasp. Turned to the garden and pointed at two gnomes. One Red and one yellow, and she said “you see those two, they keep flirting with me”
Never forget that you were a child and being playful is one of the most beautiful things. It’s what brings people together and holds them there.
I talked to a preacher in the street the other night, by the corn exchange. I often attempt this when having had a few drinks. It’s like in Victorian times when people would climb in the ring to fight a few rounds and then retreat bruised but undeterred. This time was different. Before this time I had always had the confidence and in total believe that religion was false and a form of control. I always believed that I would brake through the argument and pound the very idea of religion to a pulp. But this time I realised something. We can’t force our ideas onto people and we can’t change what someone is. That includes everything. If someone is the way they are, whether that is religious or in another context, then that is how they will stay until they decide otherwise. But in my mind people change when they have the option to choose. Life in my mind is about opening doors. Open the right ones and you will reveal more that lead to great places. It’s easy to let “everyday life get in the way”. People are there and want to talk so start thinking of what to say. Don’t let it happen how you don’t want it to………

fraser